Anxiety - Day Twelve

I am striving for a state of nothingness, a completion of my meditative states. There is a lot of reasons for my mind to be chaotic right now, but I have learned lessons in the past about how to fight against the forces that once destabilized me. With enough practice I could be very good at it, but also like my skin has thickened and my head less agile with newer information. It's a gamble I'm willing to take because I am done feeling fleeting or unstable. The way to create a head without noise seems to involve changing some habits that I have done for too long, and it definitely has a lot to do with my love of music, and I have a newer solution to stop that dragging on for hours on end, and it has to do with information and film, to help divert myself. Many years ago we ditched our television set because it gave me a headache and now it's easier to pull up specific things to watch that match your interests. I'd say that since absorbing myself in some films and newer ideas for conversations and documentaries I don't feel pressured by anything except realizing that this is the way out. That the collective knowledge of our prominent intellectuals is helping this hypnosis go away and that is probably the only way we have at stopping this manufactured consent for anything that doesn't serve our interests or the planet's sustainability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be on cruise control with the flow of the people around me. That I didn't immediately know, or have a briefing society was mixed up and that I'd have to find a route out and that it's not as bad as it seems. The environment is not meant to be exploited and it can't sustain it, but in my particular realm I have done little to aid those in exploiting resources and human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed that some methods of hypnosis were Ok. I felt mildly entertained and that it was harmless instead of diligently reading information to say, I am apart of the solution and not the problem. I can do what I can to help, I can exit my own programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed that I could have been spellbound, in ways I didn't understand and only through awareness of this could I overcome it. The awareness definitely comes from support but also research, though it's almost necessary to have peer support around so you know you aren't the only one.

Thank you.